Smitten

Song of the Moment: "Signs" Five Man Electrical Band

Christ, I'm completely smitten by a boy man. The last serious relationship I was in was three years ago with a jerk named Robert. He was the hardest thing I ever had to get over; I was completely heart broken and left completely jaded. Which, I think is why I've never let myself fall or "settle" down with anyone in a serious way. I've dated, I've hooked up, I've had my share of fun, but this is the first time since Robert where I've actually been able to say, "hey, I can really see this going somewhere." What's so weird about it all is that we just recently met... But we've been spending a lot of time together and we just click so well. I thought at first him being nearly nine years older than me (he turns 30 in September) would be a little awkward and I wasn't sure how my friends would handle that. However, Sara said it best when she told me that it doesn't matter how old you are all that matters is who you are. Although it's really creepy to think that when he was a senior in high school I was in the 6th grade or something ridiculous like that.

Back to the point... I did think it would be weird that he was so much older. Like maybe I was too immature or I would feel babied by him, but we just mesh so well and I don't feel that way at all. I actually really like the fact that he's older. He's grounded, responsible, not looking for "hook-ups," more experienced, so everything is definitely all good. The only thing that sort of freaks me out is what if Tim and I get serious and we date for a while and since he's so much older he wants to make steps forward that I'm not ready for? Hell, I was nearly engaged when I was 18 years old, I'm so not putting myself in that situation again -- But, what if since he's nearly 30 he's ready to settle down and make those steps?

You know what? I'm not going to think about it. It's far to early to even be worried about things like that and all I care about is the here and now. And in the here and now I'm falling for this guy really fast and I haven't feel this good about myself, another person, or how I feel when I'm with him. I never get this crazy about a guy so I know something's up.

No more talking about this boy, I need to think about other things like... cleaning this mess I call a room and taking a shower.